Blue Moon Blues: Tucson: Music

Blue Moon Blues: Tucson: Music

Blue Moon Blues - TucsonFEATURED DJ:  DJ BIG MAMA

Here’s what her official bio says about this mistress of musical mischief:

DJ Big Mama HerselfSuzanne “DJ Big Mama” Sluizer Suzanne began to DJ as an FM radio “rock jock” in Illinois longer ago than she cares to remember, and she now calls the high desert of New Mexico home.

As a DJ, her passion is collaborating with dancers to create energy that keeps everyone excited to be on the floor. Nothing gives her more satisfaction than the give-and-take of choosing music to spin, watching it inspire dancers, and then being inspired by them in her subsequent choice of music.

For the last few years, DJ Big Mama has spun Blues, Alt-Blues, Lindy, Swing, Soul/Oldies/R&B and Alt-Tango sets at exchanges (including the last 3 Fusion Exchanges), workshops and weekly/bi-weekly/monthly dances, both nationally and locally.

That’s the official story.

Let’s take a moment to examine the facts.

Here’s what we know:

  1. Suzanne is known to keep dance floors full at any given point in the night.
  2. She plays music no one else plays using some sort of secret probably government-funded program codenamed: AUDACITY to eliminate the unnecessary from the music and giving her access to songs denied to lesser DJs.
  3. Her sinister motives are hidden by an apparent sunny disposition and cheery exterior, allowing her to move unsuspected throughout the blues scene.

Clearly these facts can lead to only one rational explanation.  In her time as a radio DJ, Suzanne “Big Mama” Sluizer was conscripted by a secret CIA program involving back-masking hidden audio messages into rock and roll music.  Her training and skill were put to good use when digital audio manipulation became commonplace.

It is very likely the Suzanne and her cabal of nefarious national DJs have concocted some sort of subliminal message determined to take over the Blues Dance scene and mold it to their tastes.  Those exposed to her “spinning” and “tracks” have been left in a euphoric, if slightly dehydrated state and have reported feeling “awesome, man” and “like they wanted just one more song”

That’s right, you heard it here first.  DJ Big Mama is a CIA spook who uses her Digital Audio Back-masking Skills (DABS?) to induce altered and slightly addicted states in dancers exposed to her sets.  She’s basically the DJ equivalent of crack.

Be warned:  Dancers would do well to heed this advice and seek out watered-down pabulum, the sort of dreck that isn’t even played in elevators anymore, rather than risk addiction to this devious and dangerous diva of the DJ booth.

Since most dancers won’t heed this advice, registration is below.  May god have mercy on us all!

 

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  1. 1

    Luke Weismann

    Approached for a response to this piece of journalistic mastery by an inquisitive member of the public, Suzanne “Big Mama” Sluizer was heard to say, “I can neither confirm nor deny ‘the facts’ as you have them written.”

    We all know what that means…